Your diet is clean. You moisturize, sunscreen and dermabrade, and you still look like a dairy-debauched Oprah-watching sofa surfer. Have you had your single-nucleotide polymorphisms checked?

Get with the program — a highly individualized one. But first, we’ll need to scrape a little tissue off the inside of your cheek to send to the folks at Genosense Diagnostics in Vienna.

Founded six years ago, Genosense is one of several laboratories intent on tapping into a growing market of consumers eager to minimize their risk factors for cancer and heart disease and maximize the effects of diet, exercise, hormonal and nutritional supplementation.

And while it’s more complicated than this, it helps to think of polymorphisms as the “quirks” which mean one individual can turn a container of Chunky Monkey into rippling striations, while another needs an enzyme pill to take cow’s milk with their coffee.

George Semel, one of several CA physicians partnered with Genosense (Austrian law prohibits the lab from working directly with consumers) emphasizes the infancy of this technology and the interpretation of genetic information.

“There are many factors involved in a genetic predisposition becoming reality, but there are also genetically-determined traits they can tell you about.” Traits which one can presumably showboat or shame with the right regimen. [source: C Style]